https://www.podbean.com/ew/dir-sjdf2-12a2c41c In February, I was invited to be on Andy Goldstrom’s podcast. He, too, is a fellow parent of a child who has had their struggles, went through a wilderness program, did aftercare and is now living life on their own. I encourage you to listen and glean what you can from our conversation.
Wilderness Therapy and Residential Treatment Journey Podcast Read More »
I was the guest on the latest episode of Safe Home Podcast, which aims to help struggling teens and their families finding their healing path. In this 50-minute program I share my family’s experience navigating Carson’s adolescence. The podcast’s host, Beth Syverson, is also parent of a struggling teen. We shared many of the same experiences with our sons, and we both believe strongly in the de-stigmatization of addiction. https://anchor.fm/safe-home-podcast/episodes/A-Familys-Recovery-Journey-with-Dawn-McCord—Ep-32-e1f90ro
Many would agree that language is huge when deciding if something is bad or good. If the language surrounding a person or illness sounds negative in nature, then we most likely assume that the person or illness is bad. This inturn causes us to have judgement. For example viewing the terms above….what are you thinking? How does each statement make you feel? In the world of addictions and mental health, whether for adolescent or adult, negative words, positive words or neutral words can be the difference between shame and stigma or not. I have been seeing the words “troubled teen” a lot lately. Even the programs/industries that are trying to change verbage around youth in crisis have to use “troubled teen” to get hits on the internet. I’ll even need to use the term to get leads to this blog post. I feel sad about that. To me seeing or hearing the words “troubled teen” makes me think those kids had a choice. They had a choice to be bad or good. Did they? Same goes for “drug addict”, did they have a choice to become addicted? Sure, they had a choice in using a substance. As an adolescent, that is their job….to try things. They don’t know if they will be come addicted or not. It doesn’t even cross their mind. Their frontal lobe is still yet to develop their rationalization thoughts/skills. There is always a back story…most likely when a youth is in crisis, it is because they have had some sort of trauma. Trauma with a capital T or with a lower case t. Another term is ACEs or Adverse Childhood Experiences. The CDC defines ACEs as potentially traumatic events that occur in childhood (0-17 years). Examples would be but not limited to: experiencing violence, abuse or neglect, witnessing violence….A child’s environment could be impacted by safety and stability due to substance use or mental health problems by the care giver. ACEs are linked to chronic health problems, mental illness and substance use problems. A youth in crisis does not have to have had such extreme traumas to be in crisis. Today, adolescents are dealing with the pressures of their generation. Internet, social media, drugs, parents divorcing, Covid, political unrest, divisiveness…..and the list goes on…… When it all builds up and their minds and body’s can’t handle it all, they become “out of control”. They make bad choices, do horrible things, use drugs. They are just trying to survive. We as adults have to have compassion and empathy to help them, guide them….save them. So the next time we use/read words that are negative in describing someone or their illness….. stop! Think it through….that child, adolescent, young adult and adult all have a back story. I invite you to watch the trailer; Gabor Mate’ in the Wisdom of Trauma. https://youtu.be/70HNmSsJvVU
Troubled Teen v/s Youth in Crisis Read More »
With the release and the reading of my book Chasing Carson: A Family’s Journey through Adolescence, Addiction and Recovery, I am quite sure there will be questions and comments. I encourage you all to ask away. Our story is gritty…substance use is not pretty and those afflicted with the disease of addiction are not usually liked very well. Oh, and let’s add in adolescence which during those years some teens can be hard to live with, just ask my parents. My dad made my stepmom quit her job one summer to babysit me…..No Lie! Let’s get real…Let’s talk about the grit…Let’s talk about our messy lives…Why?! Because not talking about it is killing our kids (fentanyl poisoning) or at the very least leaving them hearing impaired (Carson) or schizophrenic ( 2 of our family friend’s kids), homeless or in jail. Teen experimentation is dangerous these days. The education on drugs and the brain has got to catch up in our homes and in our schools. This is a community crisis!
Let’s continue the conversation…. Read More »
While Carson was home, Carson’s Jr. Panther Travel Football Coach Kyle Ochs along with his team mate Harry Abell’s dad Stan Abell, came to the house to interview Carson for Kyle’s Memorial Football Tournament. Kyle’s goal is to spotlight mental health issues in boys. While boys are starting to change physically in middle school, they also start to notice changes in their thoughts and feelings like Carson did. Let’s start a movement by talking about adolescent mental health and substance use disorder……AND end the stigma and shame that seems to follow. It’s not ok to say “oh, buck up” or “you’re a football player…get over it!” Which, I admit flew out of my mouth many times during those formative years. As we encourage our boys to be strong physically, let’s empower them to speak up when they struggle emotionally. Casey Ochs Memorial Football Tournament December 10th-12th 2021
Mental Health: an interview with Carson Read More »
when abusive behavior from active addiction is a hard boundary line.
When Behavior Becomes Abusive Read More »
Recently, I was invited to speak on a podcast about my/our journey through Carson’s addiction. I invite you to listen or watch. I pray it gives you hope and fills your Well! https://thewellunfiltered.podbean.com/e/episode-2-love-without-judgement/
Love without Judgement Read More »
If ya’ll haven’t started the second season of the teen drama Outer Banks, you should. Let me say now that I am going to spoil just a bit in episode 9. Why you ask? Well as much as I love the show for it’s modern day Goonie-esq vibe, I’m not too happy with the show’s producers or the powers at be at the Netflix studios. If you don’t know, the teens run a muck on the island whether they are a Kook or a Pogue (which side of the island you are from/rich or poor). They seem to miss days of school, sneak out of their houses, steal their parent’s cars and wreck them. In episode 9, one of the teen girls is finally escorted home to waiting parents who are DONE. They threaten her with going to Wilderness Therapy. Here’s the thing I am mad about……they use the likeness of Carson’s former program Blue Ridge. AND let me say it was portrayed as a punishment….”If you don’t shape up, you’ll ship out.” My husband and I were appalled and I immediately reached out to Blue Ridge. Danielle, the Exec. Dir. of Blue Ridge had been getting calls, texts, emails of concern all week. (The show had only been airing for a week). She said there was no way they gave anyone associated with NetFlix or the show to use Blue Ridge or it’s likeness. We stay in close contact with Carson’s therapist and the leadership at Blue Ridge and they have a strict policy of turning down publicity offers. There have been many over the years and they routinely turn them down out of interest for the students and their families. As I write this post they have retained legal counsel. Some would say, “what’s the big deal?”. Here’s the big deal….us parents know better to take the show for what it is… another fictionary tale. However, our teens and young adults take every single word they see or read on Netflix, Tik Tok, Snapchat, Reddit, etc. as Gospel. Their brains cannot rationalize whether what they hear or see or read is truthful or not. Look, Wilderness Therapy has gotten a bad wrap over the years and having a silly tv show depict it as a bad thing only causes fear amongst our adolescents when really they need to know that if they could experience the wilderness in a protective environment they would gain so many “skills for living” that would last them a life time. Just ask my son Carson, it saved his life and today he is Field Staff for a program in Utah.
NetFlix’s Outer Banks Read More »
Over the past week and a half, I have received calls from four families, primarily moms, who have heard about Carson and our family’s story. I immediately ask them how I can help. They start to tell me their story and apologize if the story is too long. It’s their sons. They tell me that they are good boys…(Of course they are!) Their sons do well in school, they are athletes or do some sort of extra-curricular activities, they have plenty of friends….The moms say that it started with pot, that they have set boundaries, have had them see their doctor and a therapist. Some have done IOP (Intensive out-patient) for substance abuse. Then something changes…. the boys behavior changes. They go “missing”. There are times they don’t come home or can’t be accounted for. They seem to be more moody, much more defensive. They tend to have outbursts, fits of rage. They are destructive to the households, cars, etc…. it seems because they don’t get their way. They are scaring the parents and other siblings. Their best buddies are keeping them at arms length, they don’t want to be associated with them. Their grades start fall, they are skipping school and can’t understand why they didn’t make the varsity team. The moms ask me, “am I crazy?! Is this some weird adolescent behavior?” I have to tell them that unfortunately, no, this is not normal and that most likely they are on to a different drug. Carson acted this way when he was on Xanax. I’m not talking grandma’s “nerve pill”. I am talking Xan bars, street altered benzodiazepine. These types of drugs are psychoactive. The “chill” part last a short amount of time but the after effects can last a long time. It causes the user to have blackouts, agitation, violence, and an extreme need to keep the high going… so much so that they will seek out more Xans or something else. Carson drank isopropyl alcohol from under the bathroom sink. He did’t know what he was doing. These moms were contemplating doing what we did…. to send their boys away….they asked about our experience with the Wilderness Program and where Carson is today. I told them that one size does not fit all, however that I thought they needed to get them out of their environment. That they need to have a period of abstinence from use and influence. Then at that point the kids can get to the bottom of what made them go off the rails. Is there an underlying issue or simply experimentation gone too far? Either way, the burden of use is causing mental and health strain on the entire family. My belief as a parent, which seems to be the same for many who have been through this is that any time spent abstinent while in adolescence is a good thing.
State of the World Read More »
Jackson’s girlfriend Maddie is wise beyond her years. She is studying to be a high school counselor. She has 5 younger siblings. Works with at risk kids…..she kinda knows her stuff for being 20 years old. In my post titled “State of the World”, I mentioned that she sent me the Tik Tok video slamming Carson’s Wilderness Program. Our texts continued because immediately she wanted to advocate for the girl on the video who was stating that she had been unfairly mistreated. I in turn, started advocating for the parent/parents (everywhere) that had to make the difficult decision to send their adolescent away for whatever reason. With Maddie’s consent, I have written out our text conversation below. It’s good to have discussions whether we agree or disagree. Maddie: Isn’t this the place Carson went? (speaking about the video) Me: Yes, but this is exaggerated. Blue Ridge has been getting bad reviews that have been copy and pasted from others. Wilderness has gotten a bad rap because of when it started years ago. Nothing about the program made my momma radar go off and Carson never had an issue. Now in saying all that, all programs are not created egual and one should always vet a program first. I just wrote a review for Blue Ridge and Carson will be soon. I can’t believe the false claims… Maddie: I mean I have no doubt that Blue Ridge is a great facility. But it’s probably no exaggeration. I think the thing with Carson was that he knew he needed and actively agreed to attend this type of therapy. A lot of kids are forced to go against their will, and this type of therapy isn’t engaging or beneficial for them. It only makes them feel more alienated. Especially from a female perspective. My modern day feminist mindset hates to think that, but if I was placed into a program like that against my will, I would. I would classify it as abuse. Me: We are talking to Carson now and he calls BS. (regarding the video) but like you said there are times where kids are sent there against their own will but it’s for their best because usually they are out of control. Sloan and I spent time there doing a family workshop with other parents and if you could have heard the stories and seen the desperation on their faces….these were not just kids “acting up”, they were truly struggling with trauma, issues with being adopted, suicide attempts, severe anxiety and social media addiction just to name a few….As parents of adolescents you do anything to give them a chance to thrive before they implode. These kids are not the “typical teens”…as you will see as you get more into your major. I call them level 3 teens…dual diagnosis with substace abuse usually….One thing we can agree on is that “One size does not fit all” when it comes to treatment. Maddie: You are absolutely right, “One size does not fit all”. And I do applaud the facilities that work hard to actually provide their patients with well equipped treatment processes. However, I can also acknowledge, that the therapy industry, unfortunately like the education system, has turned into for profit organizations. Whether they are “non-profit” or not. Also, being a mental health advocate and a lover of addicts…Humans; specifically young adults, will not accept help if they don’t want it (as you know), especially if they are being forced into attendance like the young woman in the video. I understand the desperation of wanting your child/ren to get better, but sadly, sometimes that’s just not going to happen, and that’s where you have to draw boundaries. I don’t have kids, so I can’t fully speak to it, but I can imagine how difficult it is and having them transported whether they agree or not is the last and only option. I do believe and stand by the fact that therapy, should never be a “scared straight” tactic. Me: Absolutely….scared straight does not work. There are military based camps which I don’t believe in. The transports to either wilderness or a residential treatment center or therapeutic boarding school are not a snatch and grab kind of deal. They have a “way”. This is where therapeutic consultants come into play. They are usually LCSW+. They are the adolescent/young adult advocates. Carson had one to find Balance House. We are still in contact with her. So one more thing on why parents would send kids away via transport/against their will so to speak…. And our conversation goes on to say that I was coaching a family that was in crisis and were going to need transport….That topic for another day…..
Conversations with Maddie Read More »